If you’ve heard Dua Lipa’s “New Rules” (if not, click and listen and wow at the video) then you’ll get the gist of this post: I’ve got a lot of stock-piled advice I’ve written for myself over the years and turned back to whenever I was in doubt, feeling down, or sad, lonely, ‘n heartbroken. They’re pieces of advice scrapped together from lessons learned – or those often not learned but definitely attempted to be – that I hope by sharing will help some other soul who wants to make the most of their life.
I wrote all of the following mantras in a book I bought from the 100-yen shop by my house. I’m no artist so forgive the amateur attempts at being hip with calligraphy. They are listed in the order that they are in the book.
1. Don’t rush for a boy EVER.
Take your time getting ready. Don’t cancel something you want to do for some love interest. Every. Single. Time. That I have done this, I have always regretted it. Despite it being rule #1, it is one of the hardest to follow (especially if you’re a lame sap like me).
2. Take your time getting ready so that you feel your best.
Even if you end up a little late, if that extra ten minutes make you feel awesome and not self-conscious or insecure, then take it.
3. If you can still breathe, then you can do it.
To be honest, I think of this one when my endurance is being tested via exercise – so literally, if I can still breathe, then I can still complete those extra five reps or that final lap.
4. Double-check before sending anything!
I’ve sent too many mistake-ridden emails before giving them a good look-over and regretted it, especially when they happened to be my boss. I want to send them my best work, and kind of like rule #2, even if it takes time to double-check it, I will. It’s better to send it later and have no errors than send it early and have many.
5. You don’t know everything, but you can always learn.
I am not the smartest person, I am not the best writer, I am not the best Japanese speaker, I am not the best teacher. I don’t know the answer to every grammar question, I don’t know how to say certain things well (in English nor Japanese), I don’t know how to do most things (you should see me try to cook or draw an illustration) nor do I know the in-and-outs of politics, law, feminism, philosophy, human rights… but I want to learn if I can. Tell me what you know. Teach me. Help me see.
5. You can always change who you are, where you are, and what you’re doing.
If you’re not happy, change it. If I don’t like seeing so and so, I won’t anymore. If I don’t like my apartment, I’ll change it. If I don’t like how I spend my free time – I will do something better with it. Always in the pursuit of happiness, and I mean true happiness, more akin to fulfillment and feeling that what you’re doing, in all aspects of life and not just work, is true to yourself and who you want to be. So if your current life or environment is not fostering that development, then say bye-bye.
6. If you want to do it, you must sit down and do it.
Studying Japanese was a huge pain in my ass. But just being surrounded by it didn’t make me get better, no, I had to sit down in front of my computer every night after work and study TV shows, reading subtitles and taking pages and pages of notes, memorizing phrases I thought I’d use and so on… to get my N1 certification, I had to sit down and study for hours on end whenever I could. I had to make time. I had to put in effort. So whenever there is something I want to do, I know I can’t just think about it. I have to look at my schedule, say Tonight I’m studying French for one hour and I’m going to sit down and memorize these words or I will not succeed. You must put something in to get something out.
7. But if you don’t want to do something, go somewhere, meet someone – DON’T
It’s your life. Don’t do shit you don’t want to do, don’t hang with people who annoy you or make you feel bad, don’t waste your time going somewhere just because your friends do or because it’s a habit. If you feel “I don’t want to right now,” then don’t do it. Full stop.
8. Want it? Ask! Don’t know? Ask! Not sure? Try! or Ask! Not Qualified? Try! Afraid? DO IT!
You never know until you try; “The only shots you miss are the ones you don’t take” (Michael Jordan); this is just another variation of one of those quotes but with more action words. Seriously, don’t hesitate to ask or try something.
I didn’t get into the honors program I wanted when I was accepted into college and sent an email to the program director arguing why I should be accepted, and then was added to it retroactively.
I sent a tweet to my favorite music video director and ended up being his intern for a video shoot.
I (nervously) called the university that one of my favorite textbook authors taught at (using a lead from the cover jacket of one of his books) and he answered, and agreed to meet me for lunch and gave me a contact at the Japan Times in case I wanted to publish something.
A karate event was canceled at the last minute at a tournament in Malaysia and to avoid disappointing (my) team Japan, I ran around the arena and rounded up five teams to participate and make the event happen – in which the final match between Japan and Iran elicited tears and flag-waving reminiscent of the US vs Russia final match in D-2 Mighty Ducks (I know it’s an old reference, but I love that movie) when Team Japan took gold.
I asked my current boss for a job at his company and after being rejected once, I asked before my planned leave from Japan and got the job and am the first and only foreigner and female staff at my company (aside from the co-owner herself and her sister).
I wanted it, I asked for it, I tried for it. And I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t know something and just pretends that they do – if I don’t know it and I want to, I’ll ask. It’s better to know or be honest when you don’t and get an opportunity to learn.
9. Your intuition is right.
I don’t know how I got eight entries into this book before mentioning this one, the most important one, but this is by far, without a doubt, the truest of all the lines in there. Your first instinct will never let you down. If you think, “This is gonna be bad,” then it probably will. In that case, don’t do it. Or at least be prepared for the fall.
10. If he counts calories, has a restrictive diet, or spends a lot of time at the gym… BYE!
Well this one isn’t as general as the rest, but for me, this is a big deal. If I have a hard time going out to eat with someone (which will be a part of our relationship because I do not cook and I like to try new places and also wear cute outfits if possible and go on dinner dates), our relationship is going to blow because I cannot handle whining about calories and macros and having “to go to the gym for an hour just to burn this doughnut off!” Please, spare me. Eat the damn doughnut, drink the damn wine, and can you please talk about something else?
11. Traveling together is a test. If they fail, BYE!
No matter how amazing a person is or how great you think they are for you, if you can’t travel together, even to somewhere not so far away, your relationship is – or will be – bad news bears. Somewhere somehow in some major way you are not compatible and if your little getaway is bad, then you should put the brakes on and say sayonara before you find yourself knee-deep in emotional quicksand with someone you can’t even leave town with.
Got any quotes/lessons-learned or “-learning” that you think belong in “the book”? Hit me up. And #peace.